Okay here’s chapter 2!
Alan laid there on the cold floor looking up at his father. His father was angry that was for sure, but Alan was too shocked to do anything. His father had hit him! He had really hit him this time, but then his father spoke, “Where were you Alan, no wait, you were with that orphan buck again. Weren’t you? That little orphan freak!”
Alan’s eyes were wide with fear, fear of being hit again. But he managed to speak, though his voice trembled. “H...h…he’s not a fr…fr…freak, his name is David and h…he is m…my…my…my friend.”
His father laughed then said, “He is a freak, just like you and he’s not your friend he’s King Winslow’s slave.”
“He’s no one’s slave!” Alan yelled, how dare his father say that about David. His father sneered then took a long drink from the small bottle. Alan flinched, trying not to say anything but he couldn’t help it. “Father please don’t drink that its not good for you, please stop.”
His father stopped and looked at him, then put the lid back on the bottle and said spitting the words, “I do what I want to do and I drink what I want to drink.” Alan closed his eyes choking back tears, then he opened his eyes again. His father was looking at him, like he was waiting for something, then he yelled out, “Well what are you waiting for, go and do your chores that you didn’t do cause you were with the freak.” His father shook the bottle at the door.
Alan looked at the door then back at his father. “But father, its late.”
His father just looked at him then said, “Its late like you, so what?”
Alan took a deep breath then said, “Its dark out there and I can’t see to work.”
His father stepped forward then said, “I don’t care how dark it is, now go!” His father raised his hand to hit Alan.
Alan nodded his head. “Y…y…y…yes…yes sir.” He then scrambled out the door more scared of his father than he had ever been. He ran to the barn, ignoring the cold winter air as he ran. He ran into the barn, leaned against the inside wall, and then slid down the cold wall and wrapped his arms around his knees and started to cry. He hated his father. He the put his head on his knees, letting the cold embrace him. Why, why, why was his father so mean to him? But he knew why mother had died bring Alan into this world that’s why his father hated him. His father had said that it was all Alan’s fault. “If it weren’t for you my love would still be here, but now all I have is a useless no good for nothing little freak.” That’s what his father had always told him, maybe he was just a freak.
But then he remembered what David had said, “We’re leaving First Warren to be free.”
Free, free! That was the last straw for his father, he had tried to be nice. He had tried to smile, but he couldn’t do it anymore, he was done. He was leaving! Alan nodded to himself, then got up and grabbed a hoe that was leaned against the wall and went to work, but he did not cry for his mind was made up, he was going. He was going to be free.
Hope you guys liked it, sorry if it was a little bit rushed, I had to go to bed so I was in a hurry. Any feedback would be great!
J.G.P.
P.S. Thank you all for bananaing Rissy! She feels a lot better now!
Aw, poor Alan. (I almost said little Alan, but wasn't sure how old he was. :)) I don't like his father, but it makes me love him even more to see the way he treats his father... it's not as though he hates his father.
Great job! Poor Alan. Yeah, I can’t think of any feedback besides what [@Saraina] said. Really good chapter!
I had one thought about feedback (CERTAINLY not criticizing you cause I totally get it about being rushed!) - there are a few times where you could omit certain phrases cause they just repeat information that was already said, such as 'Alan nodded his head' - it's already inferred that he nodded his head, because there's nothing else you could nod! Same with 'ignoring the cold winter air as he ran' - you had already mentioned that he was running in that same sentence. Just a few random thoughts I had... this was seriously a fantastic chapter!!!
Ugh, heartbreaking! Alan sounds so sweet and that only makes it worse for his situation... and he still even cares about his father about not wanting him to drink. Wow wonderfully written!! 😢💚
ALAN!!! 😱
this is so good!!!
(I think Alan and Tris would make good friends)
Oh man... my heart is breaking. Phenomenal job!!
It was really good! I understand about having to go to bed, my last chapter was going to be longer but I had to sleep.
Oh, also K.A.P. apologizes she has to do the final editing on Rissy's fanfic so it will be ready tomorrow, so sorry its not ready....