This fanfic occurs after Ember's End in kind of the epilogue section. If you haven't read it yet, it will have pretty major spoilers. I think I need to add fluff here just in case. Fluff, fluff, fluff, fluff, blah, blah, blah, random words, banana, purple, squares, more fluff, stuff, kitty doggy, Five Iron, weee jumped out a wiiindow, wiiiiiiings, low bat-tt-ttery, what about second breakfast, unless I'm wrong, which, you know, I'm not. I think that should be enough fluff. If you read all of that, good for you. SPOILER ALERT: this is your final warning.

Okay, to explain where I got the idea from. There is a page that just is a bunch of Helmer jokes. I got the inspiration for the following story from one of @Ian G.'s posts. "Helmer the Black never actually died; the explosion just launched him so far that he's still walking back to First Warren." Since I would love it if Helmer came back and hated it when he died *screams internally*, I thought it would be fun to write a story about what would happen if Helmer came back. So, enjoy...

A lone black rabbit emerged from the forest. He looked tired and worn. His cape was torn in several places and his armor was crooked. He also carried a sword, which was odd. Ever since Morbin was killed and the Starsword broke, no one carried them anymore. They mostly were either put away or sometimes on top of mantles.

The rabbit approached a golden brown rabbit farming. "Who knew Ladybugs could farm?" he said, his voice rough.

The farmer looked up, confusion on his face. "Helmer? But, you, you're dead. You died when you blew up the dam."

"Did I?" Helmer replied, smirking slightly, "I guess death was too afraid to let me know."

The farmer frowned and shook his head. "I must be going crazy," he murmured to himself. "Imagine what Weezie would think. Picket the farmer, talking to Helmer." He chuckled.

"You do realize I can hear what you say?" Helmer said, looking at Picket like he was off his rocker, not that Helmer would know anything about that...

"Of course," Picket replied, a little too loud, "You're in my head!" He chuckled again, sounding slightly insane. Helmer put his hand on Picket's shoulder, concern on his face. It seemed to calm Picket down. "Wait, are you really here?" He sounded nervous, like he was worried the answer would be no.

"Yes," Helmer said, his voice calming Picket's nerves, "I'm back... finally."

"Yeah," Picket said, his voice taking on a slightly annoyed tone, "Where have you been all these years? Do you know how much it hurt me to think you were dead!?!"

"I'm sorry Picket," Helmer said, "The blast threw me all the way to the other side of the High Bleaks. Pretty place, too pretty for my taste, but nice. There were chipmunks, deer, squirrels and a whole bunch of other animals running around. How well did the blast work anyway?"

"You killed two raptors and a whole bunch of wolves," Picket replied, smiling slightly at the thought.

“Good,” Helmer said, smiling. “Anyway, it’s taken me the past year to walk back here, and that was after a couple months recovering from the blast.”

“It’s been five years,” Picket said, arching an eyebrow and smirking.

“Hmm,” Helmer replied, a thoughtful look on his face. “I’ve been gone longer than I thought. How’s Airen doing?”

“Why don’t you come and see for yourself?” Picket asked, smiling wide. He turned towards home.

“How did you lose an arm, Ladybug?” Helmer asked, perplexed.

“Fighting Morbin,” Picket replied, staring at the ground, “I don’t really want to talk about it.”

They walked in silence till they got to Picket’s house, which happened to be right next door to Airen’s. Weezie came out to greet Picket, but stopped halfway.

“Uncle Helmer?” she said, unsure. She walked over to him and poked his face gently, then hugged him, hard.

“Good to see you too,” he replied, frowning slightly. Then a whole bunch of little kids ran out, swarming Helmer. Surprise flashed across his face as he was surrounded by hugs. He groaned slightly.

“Kids, give the Wasp some room,” Picket said, laughing. They all backed up, well all except a little white rabbit with a red spot on her eye. “You too, Bailey.” She backed up.

“You named her after Broken Arrow?” Helmer asked sarcastically, arching an eyebrow. “I can’t see the resemblance.”

“We do too look same!” Bailey exclaimed, stomping her little foot.

Helmer chuckled. “She definitely has the attitude.”

“I do not!” she said before stomping off.

“Helmer?” a soft voice asked, almost like it might break. “Can it really be you, after all these years?”

Helmer turned to see Airen and Wilfred walk down the hill, Weezie having run to get them. “Yes,” he replied, “It is. I’m so glad to see you are doing well.”

Airen hugged him tightly, crying. Helmer winced slightly, but soon was crying as well. All the kids were staring so Weezie took them inside so they could have a moment alone.

After a minute, Airen backed up. “How did you survive?”

“I’m Helmer the Black. A little explosion isn’t going to kill me,” Helmer said, smiling. Airen chuckled, relief flooding her.

“What happened to your side?” Wilfred asked, noticing that Helmer was holding his side.

"I landed hard on a rock,” Helmer replied. “I think I cracked a rib or two. Or three. Or all of them.”

“We’ll need to get you to Emma,” Wilfred said. “She probably is the best to help with it.”

“Won’t she be too busy with ruling?” Helmer asked, confused.

“Oh, she’s not queen…” Wilfred began.

“What!?!” Helmer exclaimed, grabbing his sword, looking like he was about to storm a castle. “Who do I need make pay for stealing the throne?”

“Woah!” Wilfred exclaimed. “You don’t need make anyone pay! Smalls is back! Actually, he came back shortly after you got blasted to the other side of the planet.”

Helmer relaxed and sheathed his sword. “Did I miss much?” he asked, arching an eyebrow.

“Kind of,” Picket said, smiling wider than he had in a long time.

“How about we talk about it while we walk to see Emma?” Airen said. “How long till dinner?” she asked Weezie, who had just reappeared.

“Probably an hour or two,” Weezie replied, “I need to make extra tonight, so it might take longer.”

“Perfect,” Airen replied, “Come on Helmer.” She grabbed his arm, nearly having to drag him. Eventually, Helmer came along without having to be pulled. He never particularly liked going to the doctor, but he figured he didn’t really have a choice.

This is ending up longer than I thought it would be, so there will be multiple parts. Hope you like it!