Here's chapter 3, hope you enjoy! it is a little longer then normal, but oh well. constructive criticism welcome. 😁
The next day, at dawn, Helmer dressed quickly and shuffled out of his tent. He stood and drew a deep breath, stretching. He rubbed his eyes blearily and slumped over to the small fire, now next to a large tent, that Whittle had put up last night. The sky was a pleasant pink, and a cool breeze met his face as he sat down. Yawing he took out bread from his rations bag. “Hello,” Whittle, who had been sitting reading a book, said cheerfully. Helmer gruntend. He did not feel like conversing right now, especially with this very annoying buck. “I’ve been reading this fascinating book!” He said lifting it so Helmer could see the cover. “It’s very interesting, would you like to hear a passage?” Helmer opened his mouth to protest but a new voice interrupted them. “Whittle, leave him alone. He doesn’t care about Blabbing about goofers or whatever.”
“It’s Goofhack the Blabber!!!” Whittle said angrily, returning his gaze to the book. Wilfred rolled his eyes dramatically and sat down, also taking bread from his bag. “I’m thinking we should leave as soon as the others awaken.” Helmer pondered this for a moment. He looked out at the winding path ahead. “Alright,” He said, making up his mind. “I want to arrive as early as possible.” Wilfred nodded. “Good morning!” Said another cheerful voice, they turned to see Airen, fully dressed, a pack slung over her shoulder. “I’ve already packed for the trip and I took my tent down. It’s by Sno.”
“Hungry?” Wilfred asked, drawing another piece of bread out of his pack. “Oh, no that's alright.” Airen said. “I’m not.”
“I am.” Said a sleepy voice. Snoden had appeared behind Whittle. Whittle handed him a carrot. Snoden looked at it, revolution on his face. He, unlike most rabbits, hated carrots. “Oh, no that’s alright.” He said handing it back to a very hurt, and confused looking Whittle.
***
They set off about an hour later, down the dusty trail. Whittle kept tripping over things, distracted by the book he held. Airen and Snoden walked together in the front and Helmer and Wilfred slugged in the back. They walked along the path for hours straight, until Whittle fell once more, and twisted his ankle.
Of course, Helmer would have appreciated not arriving at Halfwind, half carrying a barely injured buck, but that could not be the case. “Hey,” Said Wilfred once they passed through the large gates. “I got it from here. My brothers over there.” He said pointing to another grey buck, who was waving enthusiastically at them. Helmer nodded in appreciation and caught up to Airen and Snoden who had walked ahead. Halfwind was a busy place at the moment. Bucks, and their families littered the lawn and he could hear sobs from doe’s, who clung to the new soldiers like they were their lifeline. Kits played in a corner of the lawn next to a large tree. And friends ran to greet each other, smiles on their innocent faces. Only one buck stood out to Helmer though. A stought, grey buck stood next to the tree, his arms crossed. He had no one around him, and Helmer felt sudden sympathy. “Helm,” Said a shaking voice, bringing him back to the present. Airen stood now before him, tears were starting in her eyes. “It’s time.” she said her voice cracking, though there was a sad smile on her face.
He couldn’t believe it had come so fast. He looked at the sky, it was dusk and fireflies were starting to appear. He refocused his attention. There she was, his sister, his truest friend. He realized in that moment what saying goodbye to her really meant. It was unlikely he would see her again soon, if ever. He suddenly felt a pang in his heart, and a lump formed in his throat. He stood there looking at her. She would go on with her life, a life without him. She would eventually get married, without him. She could become a mother, and he wouldn’t even know. While he betrayed his father, leaving, not running the farm, she had come with him. When he had needed help, she had been the one to help him. Tears sprang to his eyes and he rushed forward clinging to his sister, to his lifeline.
They held each other, rocking for what seemed like forever. He didn’t want to go. He didn’t want her to go. She pushed away from him and wiped her eyes, sniffing. “I love you.” She said, drawing in a weak breath. “I love you too.” He responded not bothering to wipe away the tears streaming down his face. He was not ashamed that he would miss his sister. “Helm, my friend.” Said Snoden, who had stood awkwardly beside them. “They're all going in.” Helmer nodded again, and with one last fleeting glance at his sister, he turned and headed towards the village. “Wait, Sno,”They turned, and Airen rushed at Snoden. She leapt into his arms, and kissed him. Then releasing him, she smiled softly. Helmer’s mouth fell open. “Wha- How-” He began. She just smiled and said “Well, I had to take a chance didn’t I?” Then with a final sheepish wave of her hand, she skipped away. Helmer rounded on Snoden, a strange feeling he had never felt before bubbling inside of him. His friend's mouth was also open, and his face was a deep crimson. The feeling vanished and Helmer grinned. Snoden blushed a deeper red. Then they turned on their heels, and facial expressions never changing, they headed away, toward the village once more.
***
They entered the small village, along with many other bucks.Chattering filled the square and Snoden and Helmer were shoved to the side of the crowd. They were directed to form lines facing a large platform. “SILENCE!” said a commanding voice. The crowd quieted immediately. Wilfred and Whittle's brother stood on the stone platform, along with a white buck who had a patch over one eye. “Now,” He began, reaching into his jacket and withdrawing a sheet of parchment. “ I know this is abrupt but this is how it’s going to work. You will be separated into units and you will get all information tomorrow at noon from your Captains. You will go to your bunkhouses with your new group. If I read off your name leave the village once more and gather around the willow tree. Alright,
Doug, Cloves
Longtreader, Whittle
Horn, Lemal
Shanks, Joseph
Folds, Camron
Ingeniarius, Emery
Second group! If I call your name you will head straight towards the statue of Flint and Fay.
White, Snoden
Shanks, William
Daggler, Kenith
Black, Helmer
Longtreader, Wilfred
Steel, Carl
Helmer’s eyes widened and he followed Snoden, who had already started toward that statue of Flint and Fay. Two bucks were already there. A tall and slim brown buck stood tensely, His eyes wide as well. And the grey buck Helmer had seen by the tree, stood with his arms crossed, looking at the ground. Soon Wilfred joined them, standing next to Snoden, who did not wince as he might have before. And a black buck with random specks of orange and white in his fur joined a minute later. They stood awkwardly in a line for some time, until a brown buck strutted toward them, holding his own parchment. “Welcome,” He said, his voice was brittle for such a young buck, barely older than Helmer himself. “My name is Harlan, I am Luetenient here. I will direct you to your bunks and next morning, to the training yard.”
“Ummm… Sir,” Piped up the brown buck. “Yes, Shanks is it?”
“Yes sir, I was wondering when we should wake up?”
“As early as possible.” Harlen said, his eyes narrowing slightly.
“Yes sir.”
Helmers brow furrowed, a stupid question really, this buck did not seem to have the highest wits.
Harlen cleared his throat and folded the parchment. Then he spun and headed off, away from the town, toward the bunks. As they walked through the thorny brush, Helmer's mind drifted back to his sister. He felt tears stinging the edge of his eyes and he blinked frantically. I must be strong. He thought as they neared a small building. I must never show my true feelings to these rabbits, I must not be weak!
But as he got into his bed that night, the scenes of him and his family replayed through his head. He closed his eyes, promising himself that tomorrow, he would forget.
@Jo4life Sorry, the website wouldn't let me comment on your Chapter 11 (I don't know what the matter is) but it. Was. Amazing. Seriously SOOO good!!! Especially the way it ended... it was awesome.
Thanks!
Wow, great job. Love all the humor and just everything. Keep on keppin’ on.
Thanks, you guys are so sweet, and @Saraina that video was great! Thanks again to all of you!
I actually have written many short stories but I almost never finish because either I don’t like the way the plots going or because my life gets insane right after I start. and thanks 😁
Literally no words can express how much I appreciate this. I love this community and it’s people,I feel like crying tears of utmost gratitude, for all of you.
I’m so happy! you guys.... I want you to know how much these comments mean to me, I’ve never been brave enough to really step up with my writing but you’re guy‘s comments make me feel like I can. I feels good that people who don’t even really know me like what I do and what I write. These comments give me a lot a self esteem and I just wanted to thank you. Keep bearing the flame of kindness and generosity.
Sooooooo sooooooo good! I love the way you write and portray the characters' feelings, especially Helmer's. I'm looking forward chapter 4!
I agree with all the comments - I absolutely love it! You do so much justice to Helmer... I also really enjoy the bits of humor here and there that lighten the mood (Whittle Longtreader's obsession with books is hilarious!) - yet at the same time love and feel the intensity of Helmer's feelings. Wanted to point out that lots of people discourage the use of -ly words (I suppose because older books overuse them...) but whenever you do use them, you literally pick the perfect ones. 😄 Looking forward to the next chapter!
Soooooooo good! That was both sweet, sad, and satisfying! Great job! There was good humor, especially with the part of Airen and Sno! Loved it, can't wait for chapter 4!
Thanks 🙏 I’m glad you found it funny, thanks again for the support!!!
Ahhhhhh!!! LOVE THIS! I laughed when I got to the part of Airen and Sno... 😂😂 so good!!
thanks!!! it means a lot that you like it! 😊
Amazing!! Can't wait for Chapter four.