Hey guys, here is the first chapter in Jaidie's Birthday fanfic...I really hope you guys like this fanfic...I'm working on style, detail, RUE, and just everything so I hope you guys like it!!!
The next chapter posted will be in Carry the Flame....have a great weekend everyone!
Oh, and feedback wanted, welcome, and appreciated...
Rissy
Ella looked over the tall mountains covered in bright shiny snow. The snow glimmer when the sun hit it making it look like a magical masterpiece. It almost felt as if she was caught in a world of wonder that she had created. But she hadn’t created this site, it was done before she was created, only one person could make something so beautiful and that was the Maker.
She gazed at the beautifully tall mountains that seemed to reach into the misty blue skies. She smiled as she marveled at its beauty. It was going to be a wonderfully beautiful day, even if there was a cold bite in the air. The wind howled and blew through her long black fur causing her to shiver. This would be something to draw.
She looked down at the satchel that hung from her shoulder. “Perhaps, I will draw it,” she whispered to herself. As she took a small sketch pad and pencil from the satchel.
Ella had a heart for art, it was like it called to her. She couldn’t explain why she felt this way about art, maybe it was her destiny. Or maybe it was just her playing with her mind. She sighed as she opened the sketch pad, revealing a blank sheet of paper.
She looked up at the scenery and cocked her head trying to think about where she should place her lines. Then she had it, in a blink of the eye. She brought her pencil down to draw the rough sketch when she heard her mother calling her name.
“Ella dear, time for breakfast!”
“Coming!” Ella yelled as she closed the sketch pad and stuffed it in the satchel. She took one more glance at the scene before running home to their small cabin. She was running so fast it felt like her legs were on fire. She could hear the sound of her heart pounding in her chest and the soft cold air blowing against her face.
She loved to be outside. Outside she felt free and she could do almost anything her heart desired, her mother wouldn’t let her do everything she wanted. But that was just mother, mothers were always protective over their younglings. She guessed she would be the same way if she was a mother.
Ella stopped in front of the cabin, gasping for air, which she thought would never come. She had a slight breathing problem and sometimes it felt like the air would never enter her lungs again, but she loved running. She laid a hand against her throat as she started to breathe in through her nose and out through her mouth, it seemed to help.
She then looked at the cabin. It was small and only had two bedrooms, one for her father and mother, and one she and her little brother shared. The cabin had a small porch that you could stand on and that was about it. Ella was grateful that they even had a home.
She saw smoke curling from the chimney and she could smell what her mother had made for breakfast, it smelled glorious. Her mother watered as the smells of fried apples covered in cinnamon and sugar, freshly baked biscuits, and warm butter greeted her nose. Her stomach growled loudly; she couldn’t wait to gobble up that food. That is if Willum didn’t beat her to it. Willum could eat a whole house. Ella giggled at the thought.
She stepped onto the porch and opened the door, home.
“Hurry up and close that door Ella-Jai, before it gets cold in here,” mother hollered from the kitchen.
“Yes, ma’am.” Ella closed the door and watched as her mother emerged from the kitchen with a spatula in hand and an apron tied around her waist. Mother was a beautiful doe, average in height with shiny black fur, like Ella’s except mother was solid black and Ella had a white spot between her eyes. Mother said Ella got the spot from her grandfather. Ella looked into mother’s misty blue eyes that always seemed to dance, Ella had her mother’s eyes as well. She was glad she looked like mother, that was a blessing since mother was so beautiful!
“Good morning, Ella! Breakfast is on the table waiting for you. You better hurry and get in there before your father and Willum eat it all.” Mother smiled and Ella smiled back.
Then Ella walked into the dining room to see father and Willum sitting at the table and stuffing as much food into their mouths as possible. Ella scooted a chair out and sat down beside father. She then looked over at her grey-furred, brown-eyed, father. She watched as he looked at her, swallowed a bite of fried apples, and said, “So, Ella, what do you have planned today?” A bright cheerful smile filled her father’s face.
Aaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! I LOVE this!!!! I'm so excited for the next chapters and to see where this fanfic goes. It was beautifully written and Ella is such an interesting and dear character. I love how you described her love for art. "Maybe it was her destiny. Or maybe it was just her playing with her mind." That phrase is so fascinating, especially the last.
Hmmm, okay. For feedback, the beginning of the second paragraph uses these words three times in succession: beautifully, beauty, and beautiful. Since they're all different forms of the same word, I think it would read better if you only kept "beauty" for the second sentence cause it needs that word. The other two times just seem a bit repetitive because it was already used.
You're an amazing writer and I can't wait for more!!!! (and to meet Caspian - I'm sure I'm going to love him!)