After writing several somewhat heavier posts based on my thoughts after finishing the final book, I thought I'd try and lighten things up a little bit. Thought I'd share a few snippets that have come to my mind. I find them amusing, and perhaps someone on here will too-but if not, I have a quirky sense of humor so it's understandable.
Ronan and Felson's conversation at the council meeting
Ronan: So what do you think the chances are of the two of us surviving?
Felson: Pretty dismal, Ronan. Two citadel lords died in both book two and book three, and I see no reason for the pattern to stop now.
Ronan: Oh come on; there's four citadel lords left, why should we be the ones to get axed?
Felson: The fans didn't even know I existed until Jo Shanks book #2, and all they've known about you for the past three books is that you've been acting horrible towards the Longtreaders and Jupiter's heirs.
Ronan: Still...
Felson: Ronan. The only other two citadel lords are Victor and Morgan. Victor has had multiple scenes in all three previous books and he has two kids who are beloved supporting characters. Morgan is a prospective love interest for Emma. I suggest you pick out your tombstone.
Helmer arrives in the rabbit afterlife.
Hewson: Helmer, my old friend, welcome.
Snoden: Long time no see, Helm.
Perkin One-Eye: So, how'd you go down, you old battler?
Helmer: Killed two of the Six and a swarm of other raptors with an explosion. Also pretty sure I released a flood that put wolves on the list of critically endangered species.
King Jupiter: *Chuckles* Of course you did.
Wolves preparing to attack First Warren
Blenk: Okay Blenk, this is your chance. You will lead your people to glory!
Farlock: Oh hey Blenk. Sorry, didn't you hear? I'm in charge of the wolf attack now.
Blenk: But...that means...
Farlock: That's right Blenk. You're the only named wolf not cool enough to be killed by Picket Longtreader or Jo Shanks.
Morbin arrives in the afterlife
Morbin: I can't believe this! Taken out by a scrawny rabbit prince and his equally scrawny friend! How could things get any worse?
Helmer: Hello Morbin.
Morbin:
ok: so i'm going top try this. anyhow:
tameth seer is watching as kyle is supposedly killed.
Tameth: finally, the throne. All mine!!!
Scout.: uh, sir, they have reinforcements.
Tameth: destroy them!
Scout: the catapults have been destroyed.
Tameth: NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
not very good,
These are super awesome!!
Here's another:
Salesman: okay, Fowlers. how many enemies have you taken out each? because you may be eligibile for, um, free life insurance.
Heyward: I've been dismissed, dude!
Jo and Picket (simultaneously): too many to count.
Salesman: is that too many to count each? or combined?
Jo and Picket (simultaneously): combined; but still less then Helmer.
Perkinson: I'm DEAD.
Helmer: who needs life insurance? but anyways, I think a bunch. also another bunch after I died.
Cole: Um... do I have to do this?
It's not EE, or particularly funny, but:
Redeye this is the end of you, princeling!
Smalls ooh look, a falling star.
Redeye : (
LOL!
You know what was really missing? Morbin's reaction the whole thing:
M: Ok, so we send in the Terralins first, and then when they are both weakened-
Scout: They've betrayed us.
M: What? Ok, it doesn't matter, send in Farlock-
S: He's dead. Pretty sure that Picket guy killed him.
M: Ok, Falcowitson, go prove yoursel-
S: He just exploded.
M: DANG IT! Ok, new plan: We'll send in 2 Lords at once so that-
S: They both just died to the same arrow.
M: HOW?! Ok, well they can't do it twice-
(distant boom)
S: Yeah, the last 2 are dead. Also all of our ground forces are gone.
M: ItS bEen teN MinUtes!
Some reasons why Helmer couldn't survive until the end of the battle:
Judging by how long he took to show up, there was no way Morbin was going to attack while Helmer was still alive; he wasn't stupid.
If Helmer had managed to swallow so much as a drop or a petal of True Blue, it would probably have looked something like this:
As such, the bird, wolf, and Wrongtreader forces would have been annihilated within a matter of minutes. And it just wouldn't have been as epic if the Stone Sword had broken in its scabbard or cracked apart in Smalls' hand.
R.I.P Felson. I salute you fallen soldier.💂🏻♂️💂🏻♂️💂🏻♂️
R.I.P Felson. I salute you fallen soldier.💂🏻♂️💂🏻♂️💂🏻♂️
These are so funny! 😂😂😂
Love the one about Ronan and Felson, but really there all great...
I wish I had the ability to put more than one like!
Another scenario; probably not as funny as some of the others.
Gern: Man, all that buildup of the Six as villains, and all of us except Morbin get taken out in a couple fell swoops in the final book.
Shelt: Seriously though; that wimp Solus got more page time than most of us!
Vardon: What are you complaining about? At least people have an idea what you look like. I don't even know what species I am-for that matter, the books didn't even specify my gender! We're all just assuming that I'm a guy!
#6: At least you have a NAME. Do you know how pathetic it is when, out of a set of six villains, you're the only one who didn't get named?
Falcowitson: Oh, and I suppose being a total clone of the one who got killed in the previous book, just with the word "son" tacked onto the end of his name, is so great? I didn't even get the dignity of a unique death!
Marbole: At least your death got attention! I died, but you'd never know when it happened in the book!
Blenk: You belly-aching birds. I got relegated to "general species extinction" AND got shoved aside in favor of some guy who was first mentioned in a spinoff book! He didn't even have any dialogue!
Dragons:
😂😂😂
👌 Perfect
Lol. I wonder if Morbid and Helm will get along in the afterlife. Lol. Doesn’t look like it?